Under 30 with Very Little F’s to Give
This past weekend I celebrated my 29th birthday and dammit I felt good and knew I looked good. I dare you to try to tell me different! While I did enjoy the festivities I also did a lot of reflecting as I sat under the hair dryer. I thought about how much I’ve grown. I pondered on how much I’ve learned in my twenties. Most importantly, I realized that I’m under 30 and the amount of F’s I have left in me diminishes from day to day.
You may ask, “but Bianca you’re so young. You haven’t really lived. So how can you claim to be that way already?” Simply put: because I can. I’ve seen and been through a lot and will continue to see and go through a lot throughout my duration of life. In the meantime, I will give you a list of things that have brought me to where I am and why my F’s are diminishing. Shall we proceed??
1. I don’t tolerate bullsh** excuses anymore- I get it, we have all made excuses for why we “can’t” do something but, I have more respect for someone who tells me they just don’t want to do some thing vs someone who tells me they “can’t” do something.
Dos. I refuse to be someone I’m not. I’m fat, black, and not bad looking (if I do say so myself). It took me a long time to learn how to love myself unconditionally so I refuse to be someone I am not or portray myself in that way. Which brings me to…..
Number 3. I have no tolerance for people who try to push their own insecurities on me. It happens to many of us more often than we realize and I’ve learned that I am responsible for how I handle situations like that. If I don’t remove myself from those situations, I have no right to play victim.
IV. As my girl Chardline from Plussizebeausion likes to say, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Took me going through my early twenties to realize what that meant (I never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the draw). When the light bulb finally went off in my head that saying helped me on my journey to finding self love and has taught me that I am not meant to be like everyone else. I was born to shine no matter how clumsy I’ve been since exiting the womb.
Senk. Whether you like it or not, people will always judge you. I could hit the lotto tomorrow, give back to my community, house homeless vets and families, build schools and place qualified teachers on them. Even with all of that, people will still judge me and find a reason to be mad at me. So I’ve learned to not care about the judgement of others.
Liù. I don’t feel guilty about loving myself and working to become a better person everyday. We all have our flaws and I’m a person that has more flaws than I can count on my hands and toes.
Sept. Holding on to grudges and negativity is taxing af. I’ve learned to let things go. When I would hold things in, it would give me this burning feeling in my chest (no it’s not heart burn or a heart arrhythmia). I forgive but I don’t forget. I speak my mind and move on from it.
8. I don’t front just to kick it and I don’t feel obligated to deal with anyone I don’t feel like dealing with. I was never meant to “fit in”. I can recall being in the 1st grade but not having “friends” because I didn’t “fit in” with any of the crowds. As an adult, I get it and I own it. I was meant to walk to he beat of my own drum.
There are a number of things that as someone under 30, I give no F’s about but I’ll cut this short. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll write a book about it.
Anywho, see ya on the next blog post, or not,