So let’s just get to the point. Parenting can be challenging af! I don’t care how many books, magazines, poems, soliloquies you may read, there are challenges that you will encounter, as a parent, where you won’t find a quick answer by doing a google search. There are at times quick decisions that need to be made when it comes to kids. Parenting can be joyful while tiring. There will be disappointments from both the parent and child. How it’s handled is what matters most.
Two weeks ago, I felt defeated. While I won’t get into too much detail, I got to a point where I felt like I was ‘failing’ my child. *inserts shocked face emoji*. Outside of school, we work on reading, writing, math, geography, etc. I’ve enrolled her in extracurricular activities that she loves. We spend time doing fun things together. Even then, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough as a parent.
Now, I’ve always worn what my husband to refer to as a ‘hard shell’. Two weeks ago, that shell cracked and I broke down and cried. I cried because I felt like I was failing her. Why? Because she was struggling with multiplication. Multiplication guys! Fuckin multiplication! Maybe it was a mixture of my impending mensural cycle that was causing my hormones to rage and making me feel like I was failing my child. Who knows? But when I say I cried, I mean a snot bubble formed. The shit was disgusting so I’ll digress. I called my husband and vented to him. As he tried to convince me that I was doing a great job I was still drowning in my own thoughts that I was failing as a mom.
It’s been 2 weeks now. In these last two weeks I’ve concluded a few things. First off, I’m not failing her. As a mom, there is only so much I can do. Every kid learns at their own pace. Which brings me to number two. Comparison is the thief of all joy and I found that I was comparing her to how I was in elementary school. From 1st to 5th grade, I was a straight A student that would freak out if she got a B. Don’t ask what happened after 5th grade though *shoulder shrug*. I set these high expectations for my 3rd grader forgetting that she isn’t me. Who knows, maybe she’ll be the total opposite of me and score high grades in middle and high school. I always tell people to lower their expectations of me and they won’t be disappointed. Apparently I forgot to use my own advice.
With her being my kid, I set my expectations of her too high. I forgot to allow her to fail. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not allowed to fail! It’s ok to fail. What matters is how you bounce back from that failure. Not allowing her to fail sent the wrong message and now I’m giving her the opportunity to do just that. She’s a happy and healthy kid that loves people and reminds me everyday how much she loves us.
Parenting will teach you some things about yourself. It’ll humble the fuck out of you. This thing call parenting involves constant self evaluation and awareness. It has its ups and down but there are moments where you will feel defeated. There are moments where you feel like ‘I’m not doing enough’. My advice, don’t get lost in the sauce of your thoughts. While a child can be a reflection of you, they are still their own person, with their own thoughts and personalities.
Until next time….