Who am I?

A woman
I am a woman who could sometimes benefit from having a little more ‘chill’
A woman who doesn’t conform to societies standards.
A woman who enjoys laughter while snorting like a geek really hard when laughing.
A fat women who’s loves herself.

A women who is a mom that continues to practice patience.

A woman who can be an asshole that has married her match.
A woman who dresses based on her mood when she wakes in the morning.
A woman with ADHD.
A woman who is flawed.
A woman who has knock knees that will eventually have to be replaced one day.
A woman that gives advice (it’s not always good advice. Ask at own risk).
A woman that loves to smile.
A woman that is always complaining about being sleepy but goes to bed at 11:56 pm knowing good and well I have to be up by 5:30.
A woman who loves family.


A woman who analyzes.
A woman who hates math (Fuck the Pythagorean Theorem).
A woman who loves to learn (except when it comes to math).
A woman who drinks 2 16 ounce cups of water between the hours of 9:30 pm and 11:00 pm. *shrugs*
A woman who has become addicted to the show Greenleaf on OWN.
A woman who spends her spare time catching up on satirical reads on VSB.
A woman who is too lazy to pop in her contacts everyday because throwing the glasses on are easier.
A woman who loves driving manual (thanks husband).

A woman who won’t fix her ponytail for a few days at a time.

A woman who despises the summer heat.
A woman who enjoys football (Go Pats!).
A woman that was bullied as a child.
A woman who doesn’t care for trends.
A woman who is lactose intolerant but won’t stop eating peanut butter ice cream
A woman who is surprised you’re actually still reading this.
A woman who considered giving up meat years ago and 3 seconds later decided not to.

A woman who is still salty about the fact that she can no longer eat seafood

A woman with 250,000 DIY projects currently in progress (ADHD)
A woman who will randomly sit at her art desk draw/sketch when feeling inspired.

The Evolution of this woman.

Bra: courtesy of Elomi

Because complacency can at times allude a sense of security.

Remaining stagnant protects the mind from disappointment.

“Loving” every material possession bestowed upon one with monetary compensation can breed deception.

Valuing material possessions for the sake of allowing material possessions to define self worth.

Befriending another for personal Gain leading to a road of betrayal.

Latching to the “in crowd” in search of acceptance.

Extended period of dying on the inside because the outside is all that matters (?).

Dimming the bright light that shines bright above the cranium, in fear of “appearing” inferior.

Depleting funds to keep up with societies trends.

When flaws become a sign of weakness in a world where imperfections are frowned upon.

The wonderful world of pretend. Because who really wants to live through their reality?

You know how you wake up in the morning, sit up on the bed, check your morning breath to see how bad it really is, then round your fingers through your luscious mane? Yeah. Me neither. Like the morning breath stuff is true at least. I usually wake up in the morning, walk into the wall, stub my toe on the wooden foot board of my bed, curse the foot board then thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to worry about doing my hair. Why? Because I’d rather walk out my house looking like Albert Einstein’s my great grandfather. Sometimes, maybe a little protective styling.

Over the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of protective styles. With that I’ve been looking for new products to try that are budget friendly. I was using Shea Moisture products but we all know what happened with them *side eye*. Carol’s Daughter is a great product but I refuse to purchase it unless it is on sale. My kid’s head alone takes up half bottle or shampoo conditioner and leave in products.

This month, courtesy of Influenster, I received the Pantene Gold Series products for free to try for my hair care routine. I typically like to stick to what I know, but I was happy that I did try this line out. Whenever I take my braids out my hair become tangled. I’m talking comb breaking type tangled. Even after washing it, it takes me a while to comb through the tangles.

First things first: it didn’t smell bad at all. When I tried the product I was VERY shocked with how easily my hair detangled after washing it. I’ll also mention, I did used the Lush Cosmetics Henna (which takes forever to wash out) before using the Pantene Gold Series collection. My curls were definitely responding well to this product and I didn’t have to use too much of it. I am known for being a habitual overuser (if that’s even a word [yeah, I know its not really a word.]) Instead of using a quarter size, I used 4 quarter sizes.

After using the products I sectioned my hair in 4 and put in 4 big braids and slept with it overnight. When I woke up the next day and combed through me hair it was really soft and manageable. Would I purchase this product with my own money? Maybe. Well I most likely will if Carol’s Daughter isn’t on sale.

Check out my hair care routine below:

The Henna Effect

The waiting process…

The ‘I’m officially bored with the waiting process” face.

OMG Curls!

The finish wash.

 

What are you using in your hair?

Now I typically prefer not to divulge into “celebrity news” on my blog. Today I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned based on the recent buffoonery of Rob the Insecure Savage and Chyna the Opportunistic Petty Whisperer. We can all learn a few things from them.

  1. Keep your relationship, custody battles, etc.. problems in your home. If you decide to air the other parent out on social media, your kids will see that shit eventually. They could quite possibly resent you for acting like your post teenage puberty hormones are impeding your decision making skills.
  2. Sleeping with your sister’s boyfriend’s baby momma (that was a mouth full) probably won’t end too well.
  3. Buying someone’s love is pretty fuckin stupid, fiscally and theoretically.
  4. Your close family and friends can usually tell when someone is not good for you. As you progress past the honeymoon phase of the relationship they are already watching the mask come off.
  5. You both can’t play victim when both of you are walking around with mounds of cow shit on your hands.
  6. Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.
  7. Flat Tummy tea isn’t a cure all.
  8. Fame and a few coins can have some people thinking they can do what they want without consequences.
  9. “Celebrities” have issues too. They post ‘happy’ pics to keep that money rolling because we the people are suckers for that shit.
  10. This drama will be a thing of the past a week from now because let’s just face it. Our attention spans suck.
Plus size Fashion

“People would like you more if you were lighter and lost weight.” Are the words that I recall being hurled at me in my “impressionable” years, by an adult. Well… maybe they weren’t “hurled” at me. They were more than likely supposed to be words of “encouragement”, that instead felt more like an insult.

Those words stung a bit but not as bad as they do now. They sting more now because I think about the young “impressionable” girls and young women who are met with the same if not similar rhetoric. Not only are they met with it by family member, friends, and peers. They deal with it through social media and “internet thugs”. I’ve been blogging for about a year now. I have yet to encounter trolls that dare to dip their toes in my satirical pond, but I am sitting here patient waiting for it to happen *smirks*.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me “too fat” or “too dark” I’d have enough money and power to rename the Nile River while creating more tributaries and naming them all the same thing just to confuse others for my own entertainment. Sure I used to cry about it when I was a kid, but overtime I began to perceive those “insults” as compliments. I thought about it like this. If someone is will to take time out of their day (because you know people love to say how they don’t have time to do things) and comment about my weight, complexion, or both at the same time, then dammit! I’m glad that my appearance was enough to get under your skin on your ‘busy’ day *flips 12 inch weave*.

Over the years I’ve taught myself that my skin is not a burden. Whereas I used to perceive things I didn’t like about my physical appearance as flaws, I’ve learned to love and embrace. I yearn for the sunlight to radiate on my brown skin (although I hate being hot and sweaty). I cackle when I am overlooked because of my skin complexion (oh yes! This does happen). The things I don’t do anymore, cry because I am told I’m too dark and fat, conform to what people say I should look like, allow the words of others to dig through my thick ass skin. I’m a #darkplusbeauty and My Skin is Not A Burden.

 

MELANIN Fedora: Kuronne

Vintage Top: Throwback Clinic

Geo Print Flowy Shorts: Torrid

plus size Plus size fashion

So I’ve recently gone without celebrating my one year anniversary of my blog. That’s probably due to the fact I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I made myself uncomfortable af and started taking blogging seriously.

It’s been a year where I’ve met so many people. Learning so much about myself and others has been pretty interesting. I’ve learned about the nitty gritty side of blogging. A major lesson I learned was, how important it is to stay true to yourself and your brand even with the temptation of a few coins.

As I’ve developed my brand and continue to do so, I’ll admit that there are times where I have gone weeks without blogging. I’m not perfect and outside of blogging, I have other things going on and a little human that depends on me. So yes, I take breaks and work on being centered, while remaining my own biggest critic.

I’ve had friends who have talked about taking that leap into the blogging world. My advice to them, just do it. Don’t over think it. If you’re interesting, people will read your nonsense like they read mine. So here are a few tips I have for someone who is aspiring to become a blogger.

  • Just do it! It’s fairly easy to say you want to blog but I also understand that it can be a little challenging to start but just take the leap and go for it. What do you really have to lose?
  • Always remember it’s YOUR platform. You have creative control over what goes on your platform. Don’t allow someone else to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do with YOUR platform.
  • Go into it without feeling obligated to write when you aren’t inspired. When I went into blogging I made the choice to be selfish. I didn’t want to feel pressured to write. I wanted to feel inspired to write. Most of my content is written based on personal experience and real life shit. Based on the feedback I’ve gotten, people have found my raw content to be my best work.
  • Social media and traffic. Dont get so hung up on those things. Lately with the way the algorithm on IG and other social media outlets, people are seeing a decline in post engagement. Dont get so hung up on the numbers. Continue writing and publishing your content. Allow your work to speak for itself.
  • Blogging will help you learn things about yourself and open you up to different opportunities even if you remain authentic. I’ve recently had the pleaseure of cohosting on The 3C’s Podcast. Who thought I’d ever be on radio? Not me. But I loved it!

While there is more to be said, I’ll stop here. Just remember, your platform, your rules. Get uncomfortable af!

Parenting sucks! Yep, I said it. People tell you all the joys of parenting but typically don’t tell you about the nitty-gritty aspects.

Babies are born and your sleep pattern changes forever. The little human vomits and craps. When you change them, they still cry. You feed them, play with them, worship the ground they crawl on and they still cry. In the end they humanize you and remind you that they admire you. They become rambunctious toddlers that you just want to tell to stop tapping the fish tank but see the enjoyment in their eyes when doing it. You enroll them into extracurricular activities and have to chauffeur them around while still keeping your own sanity. You have to wait for the season to be over for them to blow you away with what they learned and fill your heart with pride and joy. Ok, so maybe ONLY some aspects of parenting sucks

When people ask me, “How do you do it? How do you make parenting look so easy?” While I can’t agree that I make it look easy, I can say that I am forever looking for ways to evolve as a parent. I can read as many parenting books as I want, but the reality is that there isn’t one answer on how to raise every child. We have to grow and evolve with our children. We have to understand that times will continue to change. Having a connection with your kid(s) is important. Having that one to one time with my kid has proved to work for us. When I allow us to have time just for US with no distractions, she is much more receptive of that and much more open to talking to me about EVERYTHING and then I just want her to stop talk so much.

While I do what works for me as a parent, I’ll share a view things with you that I’ve learned. Now you don’t have to agree with me, but like I said, this is what I’ve learned:

Never think that you are “ahead of them”. Reality is that you aren’t. When they aren’t around us they are taking in some much of the world on their own and forming opinions. It’s up to us as parents to have “the essential conversation” with our children. Try to understand their thoughts and feelings. Now I’m not saying we will understand why the feel the way they do or think the way they think all of the time, but it is good to at least hear them out.

Guide them and teach them about self-expression. I love to dress how I feel and there have been times where I’ve “forgotten” to allow her to do that same. She doesn’t always want to wear what I pick. She doesn’t always want to listen to the music I want to listen to. She doesn’t always want to read the books I read when I was her age. She has a mind of her own and I have to accept that and nurture it.

Material things are nice but showering children with knowledge has proven to be much more beneficial. The time we spend with our kids is what matters most to them. They don’t need the latest gadget i.e. “Fidget Spinner”.

It truly does take a village to raise a child. We’ve been blessed to have friends and family members that provide support and advice to help us get through this parenting “thing”

It is possible to be an authoritative parent without turning your home into a “boot camp”. The hubby and I are authoritative parents but we also learned how to discipline while teaching lessons. There are things that AJ knows not to do simply because with discipline comes the conversation of why she is being reprimanded for her actions. Why converse about it? Because how will she learn what she’s done wrong if there is no dialogue about it?

Lastly, have fun. Parenting has its ups and downs but there are so many joys. I know sometimes I feel like I could do more for my child but when I see her smiling everyday and the excitement in her eyes when I come home from work, or when she sends me out on a mission to come find her in the house when I walk through the door (although she sucks at this game because she’s always giggling really loud) I’m reminded that I haven’t failed her as a parent. I’m reminded we haven’t failed her.

Mommy daughter

Plus size fashion

Shoes: Asos

Shirt: IzzyandLiv

Pants: Dressbarn

Blazer: Torrid

With Earth Day in the rearview mirror, we are still in earth month. To keep the theme of thrifting going, my blogger friends and I got together and went to Savers and created outfits by using sustainable clothing.

Now I for one like to purge my closets periodically to make room for new articles of clothing. Usually, I throw them in a bag, the bag goes into the basement and collects dust for months at a time. Sometimes, I am guilty of throwing away my use clothing versus donating or selling them. Why you may ask? Because quite frankly most of the time I’m too lazy to bring them over to a donation center. Which ends up turning into clutter in my home. So in honor of Earth Month, I decided to pack a few things away and give them away. In the midst of that, I filled my closet up with “new” clothing from Savers because if you’ve been following me for a while now, you know I love clothing.

Have you ever sat and wondered? “What am I doing to make the environment better?” Yeah me neither, but I do remember being in the fifth grade and being in environmental studies group, where we would meet quite often. I believe it was once a week if I’m not mistaken, but that’s where I learned about recycling and the environment and our impact that we, as human beings, have on the environment. So with stores like Savers that allow you to donate clothing there and also for as consumers to go there and also purchase clothing, great quality clothing I might add, that helps save the environment by lessening the amount of clothing being thrown into landfills.
Not to be all up in your business (when someone says that, they are being up in your business), but when you have clothes or items you need to “get rid” of, how do you dispose of them? Are you doing it in a way that it can be reused or are you like the “old me” and just tossing them out in the trash? Did you know that in Boston alone 63% of the population admitted to throwing away what could be reusable clothing?  Not because they are vindictive and don’t care about the Earth, but it’s because they are at times misinformed about what a donation center will or won’t takes.

My advice to you as we come to the end of Earth Month and many of use are in spring cleaning mode, find your local Savers donation center and have them make what you may consider “trash” another persons “treasure” like my ladies Gen, Char, Vana, Veronica, and I did!

 

Photo cred: Houseofamparo

Jacket and shorts: Savers Thrift Store

How many times have had an upcoming date but “nothing to wear”? If you’re like me, you probably have a ton of choices in your closet but in that moment nothing seems suitable for date night. So what’s the next stop? Shopping. But where to go? The thrift store! The thrift store? Yes honey, the thrift store. Are there plus size options available at the thrift store? Why of course there are. There is a way to slay smart.

My fellow blogger gals, Char from Plussizebeausion, Veronica from Houseofamparo, and Genevieve from Lagosdaysparisnights and I decided to get together and challenge ourselves to come up with a thrifted date night look.

Now if you are a thrifter then you know there are some hidden gems to be found in the thrift store. If you’re not, then let me give you a little insight. I’ve purchased a Vera Bradley weekender bag for $20, Lane Bryant and Eloquii outfits for under $5, and even a pair of Jessica Simpson shoes originally priced for $80 for $5! While the deals are great I can understand why some may feel like it’s too daunting to go to a thrift store and sift through racks and racks of clothing, but the silver lining is that you can save yourself an average of 77% on cost when purchasing from the thrifts store (disclosure: that figure of 77% is a figure I just pulled from my brain because I actually like that number, but I’m sure most of the time you can save around that much).

Like any other day, I like to curate looks that reflect my personal style and push me to keep stepping outside of my box. So I went to my local thrift store and browsed through what they had for about 43 minutes before selecting someone’s granny’s house dress. Why do I call it that? Because I have seen someone’s granny wear a similar dress. I was also able to find a clutch to match. I added a few things from my closet and was able to create an outfit after spending under $15!

Although the wind wanted to steal my greatness, check out the look below and tell me about your experience with the thrift store whether it’s dressing for date night or just a night out!

dress: Savers

pants: DressBarn

shoes: Lane Bryant

bralette: Torrid

This past weekend I celebrated my 29th birthday and dammit I felt good and knew I looked good. I dare you to try to tell me different! While I did enjoy the festivities I also did a lot of reflecting as I sat under the hair dryer. I thought about how much I’ve grown. I pondered on how much I’ve learned in my twenties. Most importantly, I realized that I’m under 30 and the amount of F’s I have left in me diminishes from day to day.

You may ask, “but Bianca you’re so young. You haven’t really lived. So how can you claim to be that way already?” Simply put: because I can. I’ve seen and been through a lot and will continue to see and go through a lot throughout my duration of life. In the meantime, I will give you a list of things that have brought me to where I am and why my F’s are diminishing. Shall we proceed??
1. I don’t tolerate bullsh** excuses anymore- I get it, we have all made excuses for why we “can’t” do something but, I have more respect for someone who tells me they just don’t want to do some thing vs someone who tells me they “can’t” do something.

Gif: Broadwaybox

Dos. I refuse to be someone I’m not. I’m fat, black, and not bad looking (if I do say so myself). It took me a long time to learn how to love myself unconditionally so I refuse to be someone I am not or portray myself in that way. Which brings me to…..

Number 3. I have no tolerance for people who try to push their own insecurities on me. It happens to many of us more often than we realize and I’ve learned that I am responsible for how I handle situations like that. If I don’t remove myself from those situations, I have no right to play victim.

IV. As my girl Chardline from Plussizebeausion likes to say, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Took me going through my early twenties to realize what that meant (I never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the draw). When the light bulb finally went off in my head that saying helped me on my journey to finding self love and has taught me that I am not meant to be like everyone else. I was born to shine no matter how clumsy I’ve been since exiting the womb.

Senk. Whether you like it or not, people will always judge you. I could hit the lotto tomorrow, give back to my community, house homeless vets and families, build schools and place qualified teachers on them. Even with all of that, people will still judge me and find a reason to be mad at me. So I’ve learned to not care about the judgement of others.

Liù. I don’t feel guilty about loving myself and working to become a better person everyday. We all have our flaws and I’m a person that has more flaws than I can count on my hands and toes.

Sept. Holding on to grudges and negativity is taxing af. I’ve learned to let things go. When I would hold things in, it would give me this burning feeling in my chest (no it’s not heart burn or a heart arrhythmia). I forgive but I don’t forget. I speak my mind and move on from it.

8. I don’t front just to kick it and I don’t feel obligated to deal with anyone I don’t feel like dealing with. I was never meant to “fit in”. I can recall being in the 1st grade but not having “friends” because I didn’t “fit in” with any of the crowds. As an adult, I get it and I own it. I was meant to walk to he beat of my own drum.
There are a number of things that as someone under 30, I give no F’s about but I’ll cut this short. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll write a book about it.

Anywho, see ya on the next blog post, or not,

Bianca